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Pursue Past the Pain

May 7, 2012

Lately I’ve been thinking, how does tragedy really affect people? Does everyone truly grow past it, or do some people get emotionally stuck? Do some people stay in the same mindset that they were in during the first happening; reliving the heartache over and over? The simple answer to that is yes. And recently, I realized that I was one of those people.

When I was twelve years old, my parents separated, not legally; my father left my family altogether and four years later, they divorced. It hasn’t even been a year since their divorce, but in some ways, I noticed that I still felt like the sad little girl who just wanted her parents to stay together. It’s odd because my father has never been a prominent figure in my life, in fact, he ignored me, but I still wanted him around because I knew my mother loved him. Abusive and unkind or not, he was still my father and while he didn’t like me, nor I him, he was still apart of the family.

Now, at the age of seventeen, I find myself feeling determined. Determined to succeed, despite the hurtful things my father did or said–despite the things anyone has ever said to discourage and/or hurt me. Unfortunately, not everyone had a life as I have with one solid parent who refused to let them fall apart–when it came to anything.

To better explain my point, I recall one event when I was about fourteen, still mourning over all that had happened with my father leaving my mother, two of my siblings moving out and rejecting me, my mother and my other brother, leaving the house I’d spent the last twelve years in and plenty of other things that I couldn’t even talk about yet, when my mother looked at me and said, “You are not allowed to fall apart.” Confused and still upset, I just gave her a look that meant, “What do you mean I can’t fall apart?” Knowing me well enough to decipher my facial expressions, she repeated “You just can’t, you don’t have the time to.”At that time, I was more hurt by everything else that was going on to truly understand why she said that and on some level, I just thought she was being insensitive, but I get it now. Three years later, no less, but I do understand and that’s what’s important.

You can’t allow the things that other people do prevent you from going where you need to in life. No matter what happens, pursue your dreams, grow past the unwise things that people do and understand that everything is going to be okay. Even if you’ve hit rock bottom in your life and have no one there for you, know that the universe is knitting and re-knitting itself together and lining things up for the best things that you can fathom.

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