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End of an Era

December 10, 2011

Where, oh where, has 2011 gone? It seems to have slipped from my fingers before I really knew it began. This year has been such a speculation of both the good and bad. I’ve learned new things, experienced life in new ways and met new people, all without leaving my living room. The wonders of the Internet! Haha 🙂

Of all my years on earth thus far, I’d say this one hasn’t been the best, but it’s been a slowing of the tumultuous ride that life has been since my parents split up when I was twelve. I feel a sense of finality as the year comes to an end and I see a lot of good in the future. Or at least I do at the moment. Who know what I’ll see this time next week. That brings me to another point; this time next week, I’ll almost be seventeen years old. Not sixteen, seventeen. And the year after that I’ll be eighteen. Old enough to marry. Old enough to live alone with someone aged twenty-one on my lease. Old enough to join the military.

I never really saw such a big deal in getting older. When I was a kid, my birthday was nothing more than a day to eat cake and open gifts, generally off-set by the business of the holiday season, but nonetheless, that’s all I thought of it. I used to look forward to my birthday because, I saw myself as being one step closer to goals like a job, a tattoo, college, etc. Although, at the same time, I’d always be upset because I never got to celebrate my birthday as long as my other siblings did; it would overlap the other holidays of December.

Now it seems to be that there’s less excitement surrounding that, it’s basically like my future is slowly stepping closer toward me, waving and saying, “Hey, Taylor, I’m almost here!” It’s like I’m standing in a pale blue ether, waiting for my physical self to catch up with the way I feel on the inside. Sounds crazy, right? But it’s true. I’ve always felt so much older than I really am. While most of my peers were pretending to be superheros, I was pretending to be an adult, living in a villa in England, serving tea to old friends as we caught up on the occurrences of our lives. I was the oddball with an old soul growing up and actually, I still am.

Anyway, my point is, the older I get, the more changes I notice, and with those changes I also descry differences in myself. My wants. My needs. My desires. My thoughts. It isn’t that I’m becoming so much of an adult that I can’t be bothered with other things, it’s just that I’m finding myself more in a place of observer, watching the events unfold. Nothing more and nothing less.

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